


I Wished For You, and All I Got Was This Stupid Depression

by orphan_account



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Canon-Typical Yandereness, Cursed Literature Club, F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Bad At Titles, I'm just bad at everything, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Psychological Trauma, Wishes, Yandere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A twist on the original Doki-Doki Literature Club, from the prompt 'Three Wishes'. As Leader of the Literature club, Monika gets some 'hidden perks' that she does not know may cause her and her friend's destructions.
Relationships: Monika/Protagonist (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Kudos: 8





	I Wished For You, and All I Got Was This Stupid Depression

**Author's Note:**

> This was actually a school project, so I had to go a bit lighter on the violence and angst side. This was done nearly a year ago, so forgive any writing errors, but feel free to give me feedback! I know I need a lot of improvement! Apologies for any Out of Character things, I really did not want my teachers thinking I was *too* insane. Enjoy! o(〃＾▽＾〃)/

It all started when Monika formed her own literature club. Writing was her passion, one that she didn’t get to display often. She wanted to share it with the rest of her school. There was once a time when the literature club was one of the more popular clubs, but that had been around when her mom was in high school.  
And so, she decided, she would form one herself, if no one else would. Being rather popular, she thought she would get more members... but only three others were interested. That was ok, she told herself. She would make do.

The girls who joined, thankfully seemed to share Monika’s passion. Or somewhere close. She knew them from around school and they obviously knew her, everyone did. Yuri was a silent, deep girl, with a love for poetry with symbolism and intricate writing. She often became absorbed into her books, oblivious to the world. Natsuki was a short, cutesy girl who wrote rather… cutesy poems, though anyone who dared to tell her so, would most likely get a fist to the stomach. There was Sayori, a happy girl who wrote beautiful, bittersweet poems that made you tear up or smile, sometimes both.

And lastly, Monika. She was always told she was a leader, strong and independent. And she believed it. She was kind and calm. 

That was them, the literature club of Mikishima High School. Everything was perfect, just the four of them. She would gladly take on the world for her beloved friends. Until Shiro joined the club. All of them were mesmerized. Monika, especially. She had known Shiro before he joined and had more than a little bit of interest in him. She’d known he was a childhood friend of Sayori’s. She knew a lot more about the manga loving boy than she cared to admit. 

And yet, they were from completely different groups. That didn’t mean she wasn’t annoyed to see Sayori clinging to his arm all the time. But she kept up her appearance. She continued to be a confident leader. She welcomed Shiro into the club. She talked with Yuri about the symbolism in a piece she was reading. She gave them all an assignment and read over each of their poems. And yet, she was tired.

On her way home, after the club parted ways, her life changed, forever. While walking, humming along to a song in her head under a blue sky, a splitting pain cut through Monika’s head. She collapsed, eyes fluttering closed as everything went dark. 

Only a second later she opened her eyes to find… nothing. The world was dark. The high schooler was terrified, blinded. Voices spoke up all around her, haunting, unintelligible whispers cutting through the empty air. White began appearing in the corners of her visions, shapes forming one by one until she was surrounded by faceless, blinding people. She could see only their outlines, hair pulled up into ponytails, hands holding books, and backpacks slung over shoulders. 

“Hello, you chosen one.” They spoke, as one. The youthful voices of males and females, teenagers. “You will continue the cycle in which we are entrapped.” They spoke, never wavering. “Change it. You have three wishes.” 

“Wait!” Monika screamed. “Who are you, what’s happening?!” She sobbed. The voices chuckled, tone light. “Why, you are the leader of the literature club. Good luck.”  
Monika wanted to call out to them, to make them explain, to scream. But her voice fell silent. The figures became dim, and turned their backs, walking away and leaving Monika alone in the darkness. Sobbing and terrified, Monika curled into a ball. 

Only to find herself on a lamp-lit street, the sky dark. She looked around, dazed, tears still glazing her face. It couldn’t have been real… and yet, she felt deep somewhere in her that the darkness she experienced, the voices that spoke to her, had been as real as her love of writing. She staggered home, exhausted.

When she arrived, it was to an empty house, as usual. This time though, the air felt cold and uninviting, the familiar shapes looming over her. She ignored it best she could and plodded to her room. After dropping her bags, she leaned down to one of the bookshelves decorating her room and pulled out a stack of yearbooks. She flipped through the most recent, seeing the perfectly preserved faces of students, forever frozen in time. She slowed, stopping at the clubs’ page.

There they were. The last literature club to have formed at her school... twenty... six? Years ago. She scanned the faces, looking for anyone recognizable. In the middle of the picture was a girl with short hair, proudly holding out a poem to the camera. She didn’t know the girl, but she could swear she felt a glimmer of remembrance, and the whisper of “Good luck…” She shook her head and continued to the next book.

Her school was one of the oldest running schools in Japan. She had only yearbooks from the time her mother was in school, four years. She noticed that in every picture, no one ever appeared twice. Not the leader nor any of the members. Her brows furrowed, her mind racing. Surely someone had joined more than one year. But, as she checked and double-checked, she was sure. ‘Huh, maybe there was a rule against it?’ She thought. And yet that sounded odd… She shook her head, gently placing the books back. She was too tired to think about it any longer. 

The next morning, she walked to school, pondering. If these wishes truly existed, what would she use them for? She obviously wasn’t stupid. She had read plenty of literature in which the character who was granted wishes became greedy or wished outright for stupid things, like a sum of cash. She knew she could outsmart fate. She was sure of it. 

During club time, at the end of the day, she waited for the members to arrive, Yuri and Natsuki arrived first and began to read silently. A minute or two later, Shiro walked in, Sayori hanging off his arm once again, both laughing. Monika saw red. For a second her expression curled into a horrible sneer, anger leaking through. She hurriedly corrected it, her usual calm smile spreading across her face. 

And yet, inside she fumed. She deserved to be in Sayori’s place. And then, a realization hit her. She could be in her place. She knew just how to get to Shiro. Rather than stupidly wishing for Shiro’s love, she would simply wish for an obstacle to… step aside and win Shiro by her own means. 

Club time came to an end, nearly an hour later. Monika waited for them all to leave and sat in a chair, smiling and confident in her decision. She supposed that this would go the usual way. You know, I wish for blah, blah, blah? She took a breath, forcing her expressions into calm.

“I wish for Sayori to be out of my way.” As she spoke the last syllable. The air in the room picked up, swirling around her and whipping her long hair about. The collective voices came from all around her.

“Granted…” And, suddenly as it came, the wind slowed and the room returned to normal, with no evidence of the supernatural occurring ever happening. But there was a change in Monika. A dark one, one that she would not see until much later. Right now, she felt in control, Powerful. But truly, inside her, something had weakened, and she had changed.  
The weekend passed, and Monika could spend it only thinking of Shiro. On Monday, she spent the day gazing at him from afar, daydreaming.

When Sayori was late for Literature Club, Monika didn’t care. She was busy talking to Shiro. She listened to everything he had to say happily, glad to finally bond with him.

Eventually Sayori did run in, with dark circles under her bright, blue eyes. Her uniform wasmcrumbled like it had been slept in. She tried to give a reassuring smile to the members, who had all turned to her (Except for Yuri, still absorbed into her book). “H-Hey guys.” she greeted, yawning. Shiro looked concerned but continued to talk to Monika. The leader continued to eye Sayori as she walked to the back corner of the room and sat down, putting her head on the desk. As she continued to talk to her love, he kept glancing back worriedly to that girl… ugh. 

Eventually, he excused himself with “Sorry, I’m gonna go check on her.” As he turned around, Monika fumed. ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen.’ She thought furiously. She hurled herself into an unoccupied seat, grabbing a book and pretending to read. 

'Why didn’t it work?!’ She asked herself. ‘The air, the voices’ She took a deep breath and relented, ‘Well, I supposed I was able to talk to Shiro…’ She sighed and got up to start the meeting. Yuri put her book away and Natsuki sat down at a desk, ready to listen. Shiro and Sayori sat next to each other. 

“We have the school festival soon, and we as the literature club should prepare something. Does anyone have any ideas?” Together, they came up with several ideas to recruit members. Monika was going to make a banner, Yuri and Sayori would make booklets with their favorite poems or books, and Natsuki was going to bake her famous cupcakes. That left only Shiro.

“Shiro what do you want to help with?” asked Monika, voice honey-sweet. “Uh, Uhm, I’ll help Sayori…” 

Natsuki piped up. “That’s not fair! That group already has two people!” Shiro looked embarrassed, as Monika kept her anger down at him instantly picking Sayori. “Oh, then, I’ll help Monika…” He said, smiling. Monika smiled. On the outside, it was just a sweet smile but, inside it was haughty and triumphant. “I’ll be glad to have your help!” she said.  
“Here, I’ll give you my number, so we can figure out when we can work on it!” And so, she gave Shiro her number and continued. That night, at home, they texted for quite a while. About poetry, shows, their views on life. And Monika was over the moon. Everything was going her way and she just knew she would end up with Shiro.

The next day, instead of meeting in the club room, as usual, they all worked on their projects. Monika invited Shiro to her house and they worked on the banner. It was sunset when Shiro left. And Monika went over him in her mind, everything they’d talked about. She sighed, happy. Her happy ending was coming. 

The next day, she didn’t see Sayori at school. Not in the hallways, or lunchroom. When the end of the day rolled around, she asked Shiro. “Hey, what happened to Sayori? Was she not feeling well?” Shiro looked confused. “What do you mean?” Monika raised an eyebrow. “Sayori? She not here?” 

“Wait, she’s not? I completely forgot! She was running late this morning… Ughh, I feel so bad.” He lamented. Monika smiled sweetly. “It's okay! Why don’t we go check on her?” And so, they walked together, back to Sayori’s house, which was right next to Shiro’s. 

They stopped at the door. Shiro knocked and called out. “Sayori? Are you in there??” There was no reply. Monika tried the door, and it was unlocked. She pushed it open and peered in slowly. The house was dark, with no sign of life. “Let’s go check upstairs, that’s where her room is,” Shiro suggested. Monika nodded and stepped onto the smooth tile floors. The house felt cold… like it rejected her presence, it felt like icy fingers were raking down her back. She shivered and followed the high school boy upstairs. He opened the door calling “Sayo-“ and stopped, eyes wide, terror painting his face. “What’s wrong?” asked Monika, pushing in front of him to see-

Sayori. Eyes looking at nothing, arms hanging limp at her side, old tear tracks on her face. Sayori. Blue-eyed, happy, caring Sayori. Dead.  
◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇  
Monika woke up in a cold sweat, shivering. She hurriedly checked the clock. It was 6 AM, Wednesday. It was just a dream. She had a normal school day, as usual, talking to her friends, studying. She smiled, walking into her club room. The rest of the members were waiting for her, sans Sayori. “Hey, guys!” She said smiling. “Where’s Sayori?” Natsuki and Yuri looked at her, confused. Shiro looked dazed and spaced out.

“Who?” Asked Yuri, head cocked to the side. Monika slowed her walk. She laughed awkwardly. “Um? Sayori? She’s in this club?” Natsuki looked at her like she had sprouted a pair of wings. “It's only you, me, Yuri, and Shiro in this club? Did you get enough sleep, Monika?” Monika stared blankly. “Yeah, um, sorry I had a really weird dream. I-I’ll be right back.” She walked out of the room, speeding up to a run once she was out of sight. She sprinted out of the school, to Sayori’s house, and… it was for sale. 

No one was there. Tears pooled in Monika's eyes before she wiped them. ‘Well, it's fine… she’s out of your way now… she turned from the house and walked back to the school. She still held the meeting, and everyone seemed normal… except for Yuri. She fidgeted, looked up from her book often. Her hand often came up to scratch at her arm. No one seemed to notice. While the rest of them were writing, she walked over to Natsuki and whispered, “What’s up with Yuri?” 

Natsuki huffed “Are you stupid, she’s always been that weird.” Monika schooled her face into a blank expression. “Oh, okay. Sorry to bother you.” She said carefully. “Yeah, whatever,” Natsuki said icily. Monika walked away and went back to reading a book. Each of them pulled out their books, except Shiro who dug through his bag for a minute and sighed. Yuri seeing this, went over to him. Monika could hear her for her spot and listened in.

“H-H-Hey Shiro... Do you n-need a book? We can share.” Yuri stuttered. Shiro, to his credit, just smiled and agreed. Yuri led them to a corner, and they sat down on the floor, next to each other. Way. Too. Close. They were holding the book each of them holding one side. They scooted even closer; heads almost touching. Monika nearly lost it.

She stood up, and questioned “How are everyone’s projects going? Why don’t we compare?” Finally, the pair put the book down and scooted apart. But not before Yuri blushed and smiled shyly at Shiro who returned the expression. Monika gritted her teeth and began to go over what they had done. The festival was two days from now, on Friday. Natsuki talked about her cupcake designs, and Yuri about the formatting, though she stuttered through everything. Monika and Shiro talked about their own. 

“Alright! Everything seems to be in order! Why don’t we eat some cupcakes and read for a while before closing?” Everyone agreed, and Yuri made to follow Shiro to keep reading, but Monika tapped her shoulder. 

“Hey, Yuri, do you mind making us some tea?” Yuri bit her lip and nodded, obviously disappointed. Monika turned away and grabbed herself a cupcake. She hoped Yuri wouldn’t get in her way or… she’d have to dispose of her too. Pleased with that, she once again made her way to her desk and pulled out a textbook, resolving to be productive. Only to look up and... there was Natsuki, blushing as she held out some books to Shiro who was laughing. 

“D-Don’t laugh! It's not funny!” Shiro calmed down but continued smiling. “You’re right, I’m sorry.” Even when filled with rage, Monika smiled with how kind her Shiro was. As Shiro laughed while Natsuki talked, she knew that if these friends of hers didn’t leave her Shiro alone, she’d have to act. She closed the meeting and made her way home.  
At home, she fell asleep to happy thoughts of her and her Shiro, together. Not once did she think about Sayori, Yuri, or Natsuki, unless it was to be angry at them. She didn’t care that they were acting weird, or that Yuri stared at Shiro for the rest of class with a heartbreaking expression on her face, or how Natsuki quieted when Monika talked to Shiro.

The next day, she did, however, notice that Yuri and Natsuki had changed again. They actively glared at each other from across the club room. Yuri could not seem to stop scratching or twitching or stop looking at her Shiro. Monika narrowed her eyes. She would give them one last chance. Monika sighed, she had to leave the room to grab some more tea from a supply closet. She didn’t want to leave Yuri or Natsuki alone with Shiro… 

“Hey, guys I’ll be right back I need to grab some tea,” she said. She was about to ask Yuri to join her, deciding she was the bigger problem when Natsuki jumped out of her seat. “Ugh take me, I don’t wanna be in the same room as her.” She remarked, glaring at Yuri. Yuri didn’t seem to notice the insult, as she was too busy drooling over what was Monika’s. Monika nodded and walked out of the room, Natsuki trailing behind her. 

Monika didn’t even try to talk to the short, pink-haired girl, she didn’t care to. She walked as fast as she could to the storage closet where tea was kept and hurried back, feet beating on the tiled floor. Natsuki hurried to keep up with her. “What’s the rush?!” she asked. “I want to be away as much as possible.” Monika ignored her, walking on.  
She opened the club door and there was Yuri, blushing. She was standing in front of Monika’s love, hands clasped over her chest. But she wasn’t shy. Her eyes were wide, her smile splitting her features. She looked insane.

“I-I really love you, Shiro!” She stopped to laugh, not even noticing anyone else entered the room. “I know it's crazy but, I can’t keep you out of my head!” And she laughed again, an insane, out of control sound, filling the room with her insanity. 

Monika growled, a harsh deep sound tearing her way out of her chest. “You!” She snarled at the usually shy girl. “How DARE you! I thought I could trust you! But you’ve gone too far!”  
Yuri paled, her smile slipping away, eyes widening. “W-what? Monika?” She asked in disbelief. She acted as though she had never seen Monika angry, and she probably never had. Natsuki ran in, taking in the view in front of you. Monika spun around. 

“And you! So cutesy, aww look at me I’m Natsuki, and I can’t stop flirting with what’s Monika!” Monika taunted, eyes wild, as she laughed. “Well, I’m done with both of you! I’m done with everyone!” Monika growled, furious again. She raised her arms. “I wish they would all be out of the way!!! All these obstacles!” The wind howled angrily around them, whipping Monika’s hair out of her face, revealing her expression. Pure Insanity. 

The voices were deafening. They laughed; mirth clear in their tone. “GRANTED!” The wind continued to fly around them as Yuri and Natsuki froze. Their skin started to crack, great white lines appearing.

They didn’t scream, didn’t speak. White light showed through their skin. The light came to a climax.

And they were gone. Disappeared with no trace. The wind finally slowed and stopped. Monika panted, adrenaline still flowing through her veins. She turned to Shiro, who had watched the whole time, horror growing, tears falling from his eyes. Monika walked to him, face apologetic and tried to wipe his tears. He flinched at first away but, allowed her, most likely because of his terror.

“Shhh.” She whispered. “It's okay, it's just you and me now.” And she knew, that not only Yuri and Natsuki had disappeared but, everyone who attended the school. They would never be bothered again. She guided her Shiro to an empty chair, her hand on his shoulder.  
“Its okay darling!” she said, reassuring smile on her face. Shiro turned to her, tears dripping slowly from horrorstruck eyes. “Please… please don’t… I’m sorry, please don’t hurt me.” He pleaded. Monika looked at him in confusion.

“Why would I hurt you?” she said with a light laugh. “You hurt them… all your friends…” he said, staring at the place where Yuri was. “S-Sayori,” he said sobbing “and Yuri and Natsuki.”  
She smiled, trying to be understanding. She knew people with less… intellect acted like this sometimes. “I did it for you, Shiro! Now it's just us!” She said, trying to place a hand on his shoulder. He flinched and stood up, backing away from her. His eyes darted around the room, trying to find an escape. 

She sighed; a bit annoyed. “I won’t hurt you!” she said, trying to make him understand. “I care about you! Now come sit down, so we can talk.” He didn’t sit.  
“You cared about them too. And look where they got them.” Now Monika was mad. 

“Why can’t you just understand! I love you! They got in my way, and I had to dispose of them! They wouldn’t understand, they could never see the bigger picture! They were stupid!” Anger filled her eyes. She panted, hands curled into fists, her nails digging into her palms. 

Shiro was quiet enough she couldn’t hear him. “They looked up to you. And you killed them.” 

The world froze around her, darkness seeping in. The people, their faces clearer but still blurry. She could make out hair color, saw their smiles. “You’ve failed. See what you did.” The voices sang eerily. 

And it hit her, like the impact of a meteor. The guilt. She stood as she watched everything she’d done. She had malice, and it was not the wishes being dooming her, they obeyed her wishes. She’d wanted to kill Sayori. Get rid of everyone. It was her fault. She was too naïve to see; she wasn’t intelligent enough to outsmart fate. No one could, especially someone like her. 

The darkness receded, only staying at the corners of her vision. She fell to her knees sobbing, as Shiro became reanimated, and ran out of the room, never once looking back. Her selfish desires killed her best friends.

She looked up, wiping tears from her eyes. She knew how to fix everything. She pushed herself off the tiled ground, brushed herself off. She may be foolish but, she had learned. She could fix everything. 

Taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, she said in a whisper.  
“I wish everything back to how it was but, without me there.” There was no sound, no air. Only the words she had spoken.  
◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇  
Shiro walked to school, Sayori by his side, cheerful as ever. Monika watched behind a veil of darkness. At first, she didn’t realize. She looked down, to see just her.  
Turning from the light were Shiro and Sayori stood, she looked around. People stood behind her. Multitudes of people. Girl with fluffed hair, Boys wearing yukatas, in old patterns. They all looked at her, not speaking.

Monika sighed. The wish had worked, her friends were safe. She turned back to the veil and smiled. She tried to reach out and touch them but, she hand stopped at the thin layer of smoke. She sobbed but knew this was for the best. Joy and sadness filled her. Bittersweet. 

Sayori stopped and told Shiro that she would catch up, she forgot something at home. He agreed, and he rounded the corner. As soon as he was out of sight, Sayori turned.  
And stared  
Right  
At  
Monika.  
“Hello, there Monika!” she said giggling. Monika blinked, confused. Sayori continued. “I see you failed.” She taunted, smiling. “But don’t worry. It's my turn, and I am smarter than you.”  
Monika realized as Sayori turned around. She gazed at her back, horrorstruck. She didn’t move as tears streamed down her face. 

The cycle would never stop. Monika’s last chance had fixed nothing. Her sacrifice changed nothing. The cycle would continue to the ends of time, and there was no way to win. Monika slumped, defeated. There was no happy ending to her story, and there never would be.  
◇─◇──◇────◇────◇────◇────◇────◇─────◇──◇─◇  
💔


End file.
